I have contemplated writing about my story for a long time. Mostly because it’s hard to talk about. Even though I’m past it, it still hurts to think about how broken I once was. However, I think it’s really important to share this because of the recent tragedies we’ve had surrounding suicide.

I’m here to tell you that if you are struggling with depression or suicidal thoughts, you are not alone. I’m also here to tell you that there is light at the end of the very dark tunnel you are in right now. I can say this because I’ve been there. 

The Feeling Of Isolation

I know it sounds selfish because I have a family and friends and people who love me. A few years ago I didn’t believe that mattered. Depression takes a hold of you and makes you feel like even though people surrounding you love you it doesn’t matter because you’re not worth loving. Depression makes you want to die. It started out for me one day I was sad. Then I was sad and angry.

One day turned into a week and then a month. A few months later I found myself crawling out of bed and my body ached and my head hurt everyday. I physically felt my heart hurting. I tried talking about it but I couldn’t ever get the words out. The horrible thing is that in just one day everything can change. One bad day can be the day a person wants to take their life. Luckily for me I am still here, but I didn’t think I was going to be. I remember the day so vividly. The day I wanted to die that I thought to myself “if I just wreck right here it’ll all be over. I won’t hurt anymore.”

Something Changed

Something inside of me was just a little bit stronger than the demons of depression and I didn’t kill myself. That’s not the case for everyone. I’ll tell you after that day I took back control of my life. I did everything I needed to do to be happy. I took a deep breath and I walked away from toxic friendships, and a toxic job. I focused on myself for a little bit. I clawed my way out of that dark place. It wasn’t easy…but it happened. I’m here. I’m alive. 

You Are Never Alone

One thing I ask you today is that if you’re struggling with depression and if you’re suicidal reach out. Please tell someone, ask someone for help. Ask me to listen to you because I will. It gets better. It isn’t always easy but it gets better. Once I opened up to my husband and to my family bricks just fell off my shoulders. I sighed a little sigh of relief.
If you’re like me you don’t like talking to people much? There’s online help you can get. You don’t even have to call. You can chat online. Reach out. You are worth it.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:
Call 1-800-273-8255
Available 24 hours every day

Be kind to everyone. You never know what someone is going through.

One kind word can turn a life around keep this in mind throughout your day

Shanon Haskell