If you have been touched by adoption you already know it doesn’t matter which side of the story you land on it is not easy!! I fall on the side of the story that requires you to lose a huge piece of your heart.
My point of view on adoption is full of tears, happy tears, sad tears, angry tears. My point of view is also through the eyes of a grandmother, not the mom or dad. I know how hard it is for me and I can’t imagine the empty feeling the biological parents must feel.
Everyone has a story to tell and adoption stories are emotionally charged, to say the least. There are so many couples unable to have children of their own and that is a heartbreaking reality. For them, adoption is such an amazing gift. Adoption is an amazing gift to each and every child who is adopted.
I sit here trying to find the words to describe what that process was like for us. I’m going to say this so you get some perspective, two of my 8 grandchildren were put up for adoption. Yes, I am the grandparent but at the time of the adoption and months preceding it, they lived with me.
It was a back and forth battle in court between the father of the 2 oldest and myself. He didn’t want them but also didn’t want to pay child support or help in any way so things got very ugly very fast.
This Is Our Why
This is our reason, my daughter their biological mom suffers from some mental issues and substance abuse and had recently split up with her husband the biological father of the 2 oldest. The 3 kids with her were removed from her home by CPS and were placed in my care.
I went through the process of getting legal guardianship etc so I could take them to Dr appointments, find daycare and get the help I needed to take care of them. I want to add that I had all 3 of her children the youngest at the time had a different father so he stayed with me and is still with me 14 years later. Now you may be wondering why, why didn’t I keep them all why do I still have him?
Once the dad found out me having them meant he and my daughter pay child support and help with medical bills etc he was furious and decided to take me to court to get the kids back. This didn’t last long maybe 3 weeks before I’m at work and receive a call from CPS telling me dad dropped them off on their doorstep. I immediately went to get them and we went home. I went back to get guardianship again so I could take care of their needs.
No Surprise Here
Guess what?!! Yes, again he wants them back the judge gives them back and I got them on weekends. The kids were very unhappy, neglected and mistreated. By this time dad had a new girlfriend and well, this is where adoption starts coming into the picture.
I was working an hour and a half from home and get a call that dad had dropped off the 2 kids in the road in front of our house and threw out all their belongings and told them he didn’t love them and they could never come back to his house again. I guess I should throw this out there as well, my daughter was off doing her own thing I don’t know how else to put it. Schizophrenia, drugs out of control so the whole back and forth and in and out of their lives wasn’t happening on her end. Somehow I think that was easier for the kids than him being in then out back then gone.
The Phone Call That Changed Everything
Long story short dads new woman was pregnant and he was starting over. As soon as I got home I called both of them (my daughter and son-in-law) and laid it on the line either step up and be parents, let me have them or let me find them a loving stable home. He was all for letting someone else raise them, just not me. My daughter was reluctant but ended up agreeing because she wanted what was best for her kids.
We all agreed that I would keep the kids and start the process of finding their new family. You want to talk about a heartbreaking experience. Let me tell you now that I have never and will never recover from it. I won’t get into every single detail in this post because it would become a book!!
We found a wonderful couple from another state who had been going through quite a lot themselves trying to find a child. Several phone calls were exchanged and they came to meet the kids and we all fell in love with them. The kids almost instantly became attached to them it was as if this was Gods plan from day one.
We had several more phone calls and more visits. When the adoption went through reality set in. I was really going to have to let them go. Let them get into that car and drive out of my life out of our lives. The whole family was affected by this decision. The kids were 5,2 and 1 (as I said earlier the youngest stayed with me) so it wasn’t like they were newborns or a few days old.
The day to say goodbye finally comes and the kids were so excited to be going to their new home and already loved the new family. I was so happy to know they were going to be loved safe and happy. We all did our absolute best to stay happy and upbeat in front of the kids, there would be plenty of time for the tears.
Saying Goodbye Is Never Easy
The whole day my heart felt like someone was crushing it, but I held it together for them. When the time came to say goodbye we all gave them lots of hugs kisses and I love you’s. We buckled them into their seats and they drove away.
As I watched them go my legs felt like jello my chest hurt the tears were coming uncontrollably. It was as if they had both just died. They were gone.
Gone, to a new life new family new world! An amazingly wonderful loving big family and we could not have asked for more. We have had updates over the years and I can tell you that I know we did what was best for them and that is after is the important part.
I think of them every single day I miss them every single day. I cry from the pain of losing them with each passing birthday, holiday, oh who am I kidding I can’t count the days I’ve cried. I cry now as I’m typing this.
This is just a brief look into what it’s like for the family letting go. If you have been touched by adoption in any way I would love to feature your story here at A Million And One Ideas. I would love to hear from all angles and perspectives.
Thank you for taking the time to read this and allow me to share a bit of our story with you.
Have A Blessed Day, Myla